Airline passengers 'gassed like badgers' shocker

Ok. I accept that you're in a sealed tube full of strangers' farts for a couple of hours, but you've all eaten the same vile microwaved concoction so any gases expelled should be effectively indistinguishable from your own.

Not in this case though.

Ghastly business. And just to think, every one of those passengers could have been at home instead, probably having a sandwich or something nice like that rather than having been trapped in a sealed aeroplane filled with a gas that - whatever its precise composition - must have been designed to kill something.

Don't bother listening to the 'Important Safety Demonstration'

You can forget the little laminated card too: The escape slides won't work if it ever comes to it, and the lifejacket's probably got a hole in.

Airlines are allowed to skimp on safety procedures, because the safety regulators are their pals. The passengers - not so much.

Still, there's a sweet little teddy bear in a flying jacket you can buy from the dog-eared duty free catalogue, so it's not all bad...