Stag Nights: Bad enough at home.....

The true and tragic tale of an overseas Stag Night. It's full of amusement and unpleasant incident in equal measure. It's funny because it's true.

If you're one of those impatient characters who just want to know how it turns out, it concludes thusly:

I wake up covered in bruises and sunburns. After getting a bite to eat, I am admonished again, this time for booking a late flight. We end up in Hogans bar again, drinking til 3pm when we make our way to the airport and a flight delay. By the time everyone rolls back into Gatwick, it is 11pm on Sunday night and my name is mud. I try not to tell too many people that I've got the week off work.

At Victoria tube, the group is now down to me and two Kevins. Garry heads south and misses the last tube. Kevin A and myself run out at Oxford Circus and jog with backpacks to the Central line, but it's too late. A tannoy is announcing that the underground has now closed for the night, and Fuck Off. We surface to a drizzly London evening. The first people we see are Polish maintenance men and cockneys about to tinker with the tube and, on street level, a group of Spaniards going one way, and a French group going another. We are forced to add to the £300 spent this weekend (not including flights and accommodation), and get a black cab home to West London. I'm home gone midnight.

Picture of the Day

Wish you were here?

I'm afraid I can't tell you precisely where this is, but I'm willing to hazard a guess that it isn't in the Home Counties.

If you've been to one profoundly disappointing theme park, you've been to them all...

An axiom which fails adequately to explain why this chap went all the way to Thailand in order to visit a Happy Shopper Disneyland.

Speaking personally, I wouldn't trust my overall well-being to any rollercoaster on the basis that they tend to be assembled by surly unemployables with 'cut here' tattooed on their throats : the idea that I might travel (at great expense) to some distant land where the natives display an even more laissez-faire attitude to health and safety than that of our own itinerant showmen would be intensely comical were it not an indictment of my basic common sense.