A long list of delicious foods you can't get overseas

Now, my remit is substantially (as you know) to encourage people to have a relaxing two weeks in their front room, rather than enter a debate about the great Middle England disapora - which has distributed comfortably-off retired cabbies as far afield as Alicante and...well..just Alicante really.

Nevertheless, here's a list of things you'll miss if you leave your own lovely kitchen behind.

Johnny Vegas: He's got it half right

The roly-poly funnyman™ says he doesn't care for foreign holidays and would prefer a break on the North Sea coast. Now, if he can just follow his own logic through and realise that the North Sea is balls cold and that a British coastal resort is basically the same as the town he lives in, except slightly more expensive, he'll be ready to join my exclusive 'stay at home' club.

Here's a marvellous quote about a holiday in Ibiza though:

I was a mass of hypochondria back then. My mate got bitten by a dog on the first night, and later he shook my hand, and I got it into my head that I had rabies. So, everywhere I went, I carried a glass of water, to see if I was becoming afraid of it.

Read the rest over at TimesOnline.