more song chart memes
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Two hot new ways that airlines use to rip you off
1: Priority boarding
2: Charging to let you carry ONE bag
It's almost as if they don't want you to fly at all. Maybe they'd prefer it if you spent your money on enchantingly slim volumes of humour instead?
I can make one or two recommendations in that area, if you like....
2: Charging to let you carry ONE bag
It's almost as if they don't want you to fly at all. Maybe they'd prefer it if you spent your money on enchantingly slim volumes of humour instead?
I can make one or two recommendations in that area, if you like....
The evidence keeps flooding in: Holiday disasters are more common then you think
As this piece from the Sunday Times demonstrates:
There were six of us – three couples – sharing a villa in Malta. The maid was horrible, and at one point tried to make us all share a bedroom; the owner’s pet labrador died, and the local vet advised us to burn the corpse in case of infectious diseases; and it was so hot, the driveway cracked in the heat and chips from it broke a window. To top it all, there was a horrendous electric storm on the flight home. By the end of the holiday, all three couples had broken up. - Cherry Cookson, London
It was supposed to be the “Ultimate Robinson Crusoe Honeymoon”. It was actually a two-man tent on a desolate atoll with no amenities, next to a shark-infested sea. We found a box of matches containing six damp ones and just the one that was dry. It was used. At dusk, the beach came alive with creepy-crawlies, which attracted a black cloud of crows. What the crows left, the rats enjoyed. Remarkably, I’m still married to my suburban Bear Grylls. - Sara Wakefield, Worcester
I went touring Scotland with my fiancée and some friends – another engaged couple. In one B&B, a harridan landlady stood on guard between what she called the boys’ and girls’ rooms. Then we had three days’ rain in Oban and two days’ food poisoning, with three of the four of us circling a single WC. Finally, we got some sun in Aviemore, where I swam in the loch and cut my foot on a rusty can. I received eight stitches and spent the last five days hopping. - Peter Hotchkin, Hilversum, Netherlands
I had all my worldly goods swiped by a machete-wielding local in Zanzibar. I was so scarred by the experience that I hallucinated his presence later that night. I spent all of the next day at the police station as a one-fingered typist took seven identical reports of the crime. - Becky Wootton, Oxford
Went to Thailand with horrid boyfriend and caught a taxi at the airport. We were stopped by police and told our throats would be slit. Took bus to Ko Samui, hijacked by men with machetes. Someone died of an overdose next door. Boyfriend ended up in hospital. - Sam, Brisbane, Australia
We hired a pink 4WD in Jamaica, got lost one day and followed a local on a motorbike, who offered us directions. He took us to a ganja plantation. When we tried to escape, the car wouldn’t start. After we’d paid huge “donations”, we managed to get away – and then got fined for speeding. - Shelley Collingwood, Cambridge
I was driving down the M25 when a lorry crashed into me. I’d only got the car the week before. The police took one look at the wreckage and were amazed I was alive. The tow truck needed three hours to find me; he was going to drop me off at the nearest petrol station, but I persuaded him to take me to Stansted, where I spent the night before flying home. Not good memories. - Erik Pleyte, the Hague, Netherlands
I paid a flying visit to England for my brother’s wedding. The connecting flight to Heathrow was cancelled, and I was transferred onto another flight to Gatwick. But the runway was closed, so we were diverted to an RAF aerodrome near Southampton. It took me three trains to get to the wedding – one was cancelled and I ended up on an alternative route. Nightmare. - Carolyn Haward Bravos, Markopoulo, Greece
My girlfriend and I were crossing the border from America to Mexico on holiday. We were having a drink in a bar when a guy who described himself as an “ex-convict” started chatting to us. He was rather persistent, so we tried to make our excuses. When he went to the bar to order another round, we escaped upstairs to the filthy bathroom, where we had to pay five bucks for toilet paper. We stayed in there for ages, waiting for him to go away. - Muncho, Richmond
There were six of us – three couples – sharing a villa in Malta. The maid was horrible, and at one point tried to make us all share a bedroom; the owner’s pet labrador died, and the local vet advised us to burn the corpse in case of infectious diseases; and it was so hot, the driveway cracked in the heat and chips from it broke a window. To top it all, there was a horrendous electric storm on the flight home. By the end of the holiday, all three couples had broken up. - Cherry Cookson, London
It was supposed to be the “Ultimate Robinson Crusoe Honeymoon”. It was actually a two-man tent on a desolate atoll with no amenities, next to a shark-infested sea. We found a box of matches containing six damp ones and just the one that was dry. It was used. At dusk, the beach came alive with creepy-crawlies, which attracted a black cloud of crows. What the crows left, the rats enjoyed. Remarkably, I’m still married to my suburban Bear Grylls. - Sara Wakefield, Worcester
I went touring Scotland with my fiancée and some friends – another engaged couple. In one B&B, a harridan landlady stood on guard between what she called the boys’ and girls’ rooms. Then we had three days’ rain in Oban and two days’ food poisoning, with three of the four of us circling a single WC. Finally, we got some sun in Aviemore, where I swam in the loch and cut my foot on a rusty can. I received eight stitches and spent the last five days hopping. - Peter Hotchkin, Hilversum, Netherlands
I had all my worldly goods swiped by a machete-wielding local in Zanzibar. I was so scarred by the experience that I hallucinated his presence later that night. I spent all of the next day at the police station as a one-fingered typist took seven identical reports of the crime. - Becky Wootton, Oxford
Went to Thailand with horrid boyfriend and caught a taxi at the airport. We were stopped by police and told our throats would be slit. Took bus to Ko Samui, hijacked by men with machetes. Someone died of an overdose next door. Boyfriend ended up in hospital. - Sam, Brisbane, Australia
We hired a pink 4WD in Jamaica, got lost one day and followed a local on a motorbike, who offered us directions. He took us to a ganja plantation. When we tried to escape, the car wouldn’t start. After we’d paid huge “donations”, we managed to get away – and then got fined for speeding. - Shelley Collingwood, Cambridge
I was driving down the M25 when a lorry crashed into me. I’d only got the car the week before. The police took one look at the wreckage and were amazed I was alive. The tow truck needed three hours to find me; he was going to drop me off at the nearest petrol station, but I persuaded him to take me to Stansted, where I spent the night before flying home. Not good memories. - Erik Pleyte, the Hague, Netherlands
I paid a flying visit to England for my brother’s wedding. The connecting flight to Heathrow was cancelled, and I was transferred onto another flight to Gatwick. But the runway was closed, so we were diverted to an RAF aerodrome near Southampton. It took me three trains to get to the wedding – one was cancelled and I ended up on an alternative route. Nightmare. - Carolyn Haward Bravos, Markopoulo, Greece
My girlfriend and I were crossing the border from America to Mexico on holiday. We were having a drink in a bar when a guy who described himself as an “ex-convict” started chatting to us. He was rather persistent, so we tried to make our excuses. When he went to the bar to order another round, we escaped upstairs to the filthy bathroom, where we had to pay five bucks for toilet paper. We stayed in there for ages, waiting for him to go away. - Muncho, Richmond
Monday, May 19, 2008
Picture of the Day
..or should that be catch of the day?
Every day 1.3 billion gallons of partially treated sewage are dumped into the ocean.
Fancy a swim?
Every day 1.3 billion gallons of partially treated sewage are dumped into the ocean.
Fancy a swim?
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Good news: Intolerant B&B owners are now required by law to be LESS tolerant
..which is, when you think about it, terrific stuff.
As a grownup might put it:
As the holiday season gets under way, Meg Munn, a junior minister, has emphasised that it is illegal to allow married couples to share a room at a guest house or hotel while not allowing homosexuals the same right.
As the holiday season gets under way, Meg Munn, a junior minister, has emphasised that it is illegal to allow married couples to share a room at a guest house or hotel while not allowing homosexuals the same right.
If gays are turned away, the only way a Christian or Muslim guest house owner can lawfully stay in business is if he or she offers single bedrooms to all guests - straight or gay
Top notch work by our political masters there. If there's any way at all of making a stay in a seaside B&B remotely tolerable, it's by introducing the elements of a Whitehall farce into the proceedings.
I quite look forward to ducking in and out of bedrooms after dark. Great entertainment.
Friday, May 16, 2008
The Top 10 really horrible places on Earth
As enumerated by the fine minds over at Stuff.
Please note, not one of them is in, or even near, the UK.
It's almost as if we live where all the really evil wars, weather and other worrisome events aren't.
There's a lesson there, if only I could tease it out....
Please note, not one of them is in, or even near, the UK.
It's almost as if we live where all the really evil wars, weather and other worrisome events aren't.
There's a lesson there, if only I could tease it out....
Thursday, May 15, 2008
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