Everywhere's abroad, depending on where you start

So before you start thinking "Ooh! London! That's not far! let's go there!" I'd like you to remember that many, indeed all, of the putative 'attractions' are not only wildly disappointing when you actually get down to it, they're also ruinously expensive.

Now, the unequalled joy of sunning yourself in your garden and sucking down a cold beverage isn't absolutely free, but the expenses engendered (mortgage/rent, TV licence to cover use of radio, six-pack of Heineken mini-kegs) are ones you would bear irrespective of whether you fall into the holiday trap or not.

Something to think about, I'm sure you'll agree.

The Friday Comic

First in a series of one, at most. There's no way I could pass this wonderful item up though. Click to embiggen:

via the always-marvellous Again with the Comics

The 10 most disappointing tourist sights..

..as enumerated by the fine people at Virgin Travel Insurance - who one might think would be in favour of people going on holiday, rather than pointing out what a colossal let-down it tends to be,

Anyway, by way of the Daily Telegraph, here they are:

• 1: The Eiffel Tower
• 2: The Louvre
• 3: Times Square
• 4: Las Ramblas, Barcelona
• 5: Statue of Liberty
• 6: Spanish Steps, Rome
• 7: The White House
• 8: The Pyramids
  
• 9: The Brandenburg Gate, Berlin
• 10: The Leaning Tower of Pisa

And, demonstrating that you don't have to go as far as all that to be disappointed, here are the 10 crummiest attractions in the UK:

• 1: Stonehenge
• 2: The Angel of the North
• 3: Blackpool Tower
• 4: Lands' End
• 5: The Princess Diana Memorial Fountain
• 6: The London Eye
• 7: Brighton Pier
• 8: Buckingham Palace
• 9: The White Cliffs of Dover
• 10: Big Ben.

Isn't it nice to be special?

According to this more or less completely made up survey the British are the worst holidaymakers on Earth.

If we're that bad at it, perhaps we should just stop.

If you're the kind of person that likes specious surveys this one's still going! And it's got a map & everything!

Some topical funnies from Beau Bo D'Or

Extremely droll, I thought.

Our German cousins inadvertently prove my point

Everywhere's abroad for someone.

Stung by the recent case of a British couple winning compensation from their tour operator because the hotel they were sent to was full of Germans (and decades of lazy gags from British end-of-the-pier comics) the mighty German nation has risen up to complain that Brits on holiday are a bit of a nuisance.

Bild reports this morning the shock news that many British holidaymakers cluster in the same kind of places that Germans favour, and that when on holiday Britons, like Germans, have a tendency to act like asses.

Which is why I keep telling people that holidays are not only bad for the environment and bad for your personal economy, they're bad for your mind. Even the best of us will be tempted to put on a straw hat and act like a cock after their bloodstreams have been compromised by the judicious admixture of an excess of San Miguel.

Airport Security: Fuckwits in disguise

Airline operators seem almost determined to erode their customer base by ever-more inventive means.

This week they're banning an IT guy from flying because he had a Transformers t-shirt on. Dude! He's an IT guy! What do you expect him to wear?

Apparently the shirt has an image of a gun on it, although it's a pretty sketchy sort of design and it's by no means obvious that it depicts a gun, or even a Transformer. It's not entirely clear at first reading how even the most accurate drawing of a tooled-up sci-fi robot might contribute to a terrorist outrage.

But that's why I'm not an airline security expert.

Only when the nerds and the hair-shampooers are removed from all aircraft will tourists be safe to pollute the atmosphere as God intended.