Airport Security: Fuckwits in disguise

Airline operators seem almost determined to erode their customer base by ever-more inventive means.

This week they're banning an IT guy from flying because he had a Transformers t-shirt on. Dude! He's an IT guy! What do you expect him to wear?

Apparently the shirt has an image of a gun on it, although it's a pretty sketchy sort of design and it's by no means obvious that it depicts a gun, or even a Transformer. It's not entirely clear at first reading how even the most accurate drawing of a tooled-up sci-fi robot might contribute to a terrorist outrage.

But that's why I'm not an airline security expert.

Only when the nerds and the hair-shampooers are removed from all aircraft will tourists be safe to pollute the atmosphere as God intended.

Maybe it's just the name that's the problem

A couple from Cleveland went on a couple of cruises a year, all with the same line.

They didn't enjoy one of them, it seems.

One would be tempted to inquire why they kept going back for more of the same.

Until, of course you think about what their names were.Brenda and Gerald Moran. Perhaps we're just a worldwide family that doesn't like holidays.

Warning: May contain Germans

One the one hand the story of a couple who sued their tour operator because the hotel they were sent to had too many Germans in it is a terrible indictment of our excessively litigious culture.

On the other hand, it's bloody hilarious.

The World Atlas of Disappointing Holidays

Literally some people filled in my probing survey into the crock of crap at the end of the Travel Agent's rainbow. Here are the results. Scroll around to warn yourself of the disappointments and dangers that lurk on every continent (except Antarctica, but then comparatively few tour operators currently offer packages to McMurdo sound)


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You'll find a few of the pins are in the wrong spots on the map, principally because a number of these places are so uneccesarily hard to spell. I'll fix them if I spot them but leave the locations of any particularly egregious geographical howlers in the comments field below.

Sod Abroad: The totally web 2.0 interactive survey

In order to celebrate, publicise, and generally go on about the publication of the spectacular new Tragic Travel book 'Sod Abroad' I've made a little quiz which will be extrapolated into The World Atlas of Disappointing Holidays™ showing all the most popular holiday destinations and the terrible things that can happen in them. Pop your answers in the boxes below. It's worth it - there's a prize.

What's your name?
This can be what Mum calls you, or what your friends call you, as long as it's a name.

Where do you live?
It's easiest if you put a city, then a country - for example Birmingham, UK. This will define your start point on our fun map.

Where did you go on your worst ever holiday?
Again, a city and a country is good: eg. Malaga, Spain. If you were out in the countryside somewhere, and you lived to tell about it, just put the nearest big town.

What is the worst, most disappointing, or most embarrassing anecdote you can bear to remember from your holiday?
Don't be put off by the size of the box. You can get a good 300 words in here. Might be easier to type it out in Word or something & then just paste it in though. Keep it semi-clean, kids might be reading it: Bum is OK, See You Next Tuesday probably isn't. Unless you ARE going to see me next Tuesday.

If you'd like to be considered for the gala prize draw, in which ten clever funny and lucky individuals get a copy of my spiffy new book 'Sod Abroad' pop your email address in here

I won't send you any spam. I haven't even got any spam to send.

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Drug tourists expect 'quick fix' spirituality. Tossers.

Why travel thousands of miles to buy rubbish drugs when you can get the same stuff off a bloke with dirty fingernails in Camden?

Stealth advert for product reveals unpalatable truth

This piece about a jellyfish sting was so placed by the PR for sting-b-gone or whatever the hell they're selling.

Still, it's a timely reminder that the sea is full of things that don't like us.

They'll never sell us that can of anti-jellyfish spray though. Not while everyone on Earth has seen this clip: