Terminal 5 chaos? That's nothing!

This ouchy news story from the New York Post should encourage sexier readers from ever boarding a plane again:

March 28, 2008 -- It's bad enough that fliers have to remove their shoes at the airport, but an abundance of caution became uncomfortably bizarre when a Texas woman was ordered to take off her nipple ring - with pliers.

Mandi Hamlin, 37, said she was trying to pass through security to board a flight from Lubbock to Dallas on Feb. 24 when a handheld scanner being passed over her chest went wild.

A Transportation Security Administration agent ordered her to remove her nipple rings. One came off easily, but when the second got stuck, the TSA agent handed her the pliers. She yanked it out in tears.

"No one deserves to be treated this way," said Hamlin, who is considering a lawsuit.

If you really MUST fly, this is the way to do it.

Here's a bit I did for The Times. It's kind of silly, as one might expect, and suggests that rarer, more luxurious flights might be one solution to the deleterious ecological effects of air travel.

My conclusion, though, was that I'm just too common to really enjoy the high life:

It was impossible to get a good look at what the pilots were up to though. Like my much-prized window seat it was impossible to enjoy because people kept coming up and pressing more Champagne upon me. It was quite annoying. Perhaps I’d be happier in economy.

Top 10 Ways to get kicked off a 'plane..

Clearly, the ideal is not to get on one in the first place, but if you've inadvertently boarded one, The Times has all the shizzle on how to get off.

Ok, it's all very sad & everything...

..but seriously.

What did he expect?

The Rucksack Raj: Now with new Nepotism!

Read this unintentionally hilarious post from the Guardian's 'travelog'. Then read the deliberately hilarious comment.

Marvellous.

2 more things you should forget to pack

Laptops:US and other customs agencies are increasingly demanding that travellers with laptops switch them on in front of security staff and allow them to look through documents and emails.

Mobile Phones: Ditto.

As long as you've never written or read anything remotely embarrassing, and you have no sites in your Internet history that reflect you in a poor light, you're fine.

That's not me talking. Oh no. It's the Washington Post.

Good news!

Jet fuel is getting cheaper! Airfares? Not so much.