...as this unlucky couple discovered, people overseas are a great deal less tolerant than us. Drinking oneself into a state on insensibility is one of the simple pleasures our forebears laid down their lives to preserve.
Our tolerance of different cultures and lifestyles is the key factor that makes Britain the No.1 destination for migrants across Europe and beyond. hardly anyone seeks asylum in Portugal, they're just too bloody judgmental.
Our prodigious thirstiness is something that's less widely celebrated, but that's something we could easily remedy by getting rid of those pictures of a tubby little German woman on our banknotes and replacing them with engravings of scenes from Withnail and I instead.
While we're at it, we could change out national motto from that preposterous Latin nonsense to the simple homespun phrase "We've gone on holiday by mistake"